A Challenge that Resonates with You?

I received the following email this morning, and felt it warranted an additional email for today:

"Hi Honoree-

A big congratulations to you! You are awesome. I know that I am not alone this year in having some really big challenges, and as I sit here reading this, I just thought of an idea that I would love to see you write an article for your E-Mail about.

Here's the deal. What does a person do when they have lost their motivation? When it seems like all the efforts of so many years have all been for naught? When simultaneously after working, planning and striving for decades their investments become worthless, they are mired in debt and find out their spouse was cheating on them, so end up in a terrible divorce. Then close friends begin to die and the energy to get up and get going in a day is a struggle in itself? When you just feel tired, alone and defeated and going through the motions?

Again, I say, it has not just been me having challenges this year. I have heard many of these same remarks from several people this year, and it seems all the rah rah speeches and "feel good" messages fall on tired ears. Especially later middle age ones. The energy to drive yourself is not the same as when you are younger. Starting over just doesn't have the same appeal as it does in your thirties. I would love to read your comments. You are always so inspirational.

Elizabeth"

I know Elizabeth is not alone - how she feels really mirrors how I was feeling in 2007. I have a couple of suggestions - in particular, the things I did myself to get and keep myself moving during the toughest of times.

First, I allowed myself to feel. Pretending everything is just peachy is exhausting and delays the healing process. Second, I connected to all of my blessings (health, daughter, clients, possibilities). Third, when I just couldn't get off the couch, I allowed myself to marinate in the BS for a limited amount of time (such as "two hours" or "the rest of the day"). Then I got into action - emotion is created by motion and I made myself walk on the treadmill and say affirmations ... make follow-up calls ... go to client lunches and out with the girls ... watch funny movies (or at least a little Seinfeld). I DID things, rather than sit and think about what was wrong. Also important: asking for help and creating a support system. You're not alone, even if you feel like you are. So reach out and create a strong support system - I know for a fact there are a lot of people who want to help you.

Coach's Note: the number of people who were upset I didn't reach out to them is so many I can't count them all. I didn't reach out until I was "all better" and I would have been better sooner if I had just asked for what I needed.

Finally, starting over is not all bad. You have a blank canvas on which you paint an entirely new life for yourself. You can choose whatever you want and go for that. Life is too short to be driving forward looking in the rearview mirror.

I believe the best is yet to come, even when right now life is feeling pretty lousy. Hang in there - the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train.

An Amazing Lesson in Networking

I love it when a situation is so unbelievable I can just whip out a quick post!

As we all know, a referral is the best way to get new business or make a sale, so you can imagine my excitement when I get an email that says, "Meet Honoree. You need her." Just such a thing happened a couple of weeks ago from someone I adore and respect, and the email led to a scheduled phone call to discuss the possibilities. What happened next was shocking, and I fear all too common.

I sent a confirmation email the day before, no response. Time for the call on Friday at 3 pm, I left a message (at both phone numbers). Monday afternoon, I receive an email saying, "I'm not interested, but attached is my CV (curriculum vitae ... a fancy term for resume) and an overview of my services. I'd love it if you'd refer people to me. Oh, and sorry for missing the call. I got busy."

Oh my goodness. Really???

Let's go back to the best way to get business: via referral. Referrals come from people you have relationships with. I clearly did not have a relationship with the person, and my experience of him was that he was rude and unreliable. (Anyone want to meet him? He's a financial adviser.)

No matter how much you want to ask for new business, never ask until you have a solid relationship with someone (or they offer to help). Even better, wait until they're so impressed with you they can't help themselves ... they are shouting your name from rooftops everywhere.

How to Complete a (Major) Project

Date: December 8, 2008

I'm basking in the glow of finishing my third book last night, The Successful Single Mom. This project, which I started in May {2008}, was something I didn't have time to do ... I made the time to do it. For those of you who missed it, I also got married in August {2008}. My point is, when something ranks high enough to you, you will give it attention and make it happen.

Here is my formula for "getting it all done," whether you're a single mom or a single male:

1. Make a list of the top 3-5 most important projects you really want to complete in the next 6-12 months.
2. Put in writing exactly why you must complete these projects, and give each project a deadline. The next step is a timeline for each project.
3. Immediately stop doing the miscellaneous bullsh*t that wastes 30-40% of your day {such as Facebook, online shopping, water cooler chitchat, television, etc.}.
4. Stay focused on the "how and why you CAN" complete each project. When something is a must and you argue for how you can get it done, you will in fact get it done. (There's a reason I repeated that idea.)
5. Have a bottle of Dom Perignon available for scheduled and impromptu moments of celebration.

Ask yourself some quality questions:

What's my next most important project? 
Why must I complete it? 
What's my deadline? 

What gets calendared, gets done. After you think it, ink it ... and then get to doing it!

Let me know and I'll give you some special encouragement, and a few dashes of accountability.